First, in honor of Father's Day at the request of my father this is not a "to kill" list but a list of people/things that need to be eliminated from this planet. Kill being a rather violent word, does not really promote world peace now does it. Happy Father's Day!
Second, this list is in no order of importance and it doesn't matter to me which of the listees is sent on to greener (redder and hotter) pastures first.
Here we go buckos:
Jessica Simpson/Britney Spears/Christina Agulliara: There has been an overall movement in the music industry over the past 15 years of making highly formuliac bubble gum, tenny bopper, crap. Well these three ladies (and a few less famous others) have taken this formula to a new level. Dumb, trashy, slutty blondes, who can barley "sing". Now I will give Christina a bit of credit, as she can sing, but is this what we want our teens looking up to? I mean if these ladies were 350lbs and black they would not even have seen the light of day . . . And the depths of their vapitude. Crap is crap even if you paint it red.
Ashlee Simpson/Avril Lavigne: Now these two, follow the formula above with a little punkiness and attitude. Simpson is even more annoying riding the coattails of her "more talented" and better looking sister. These chicks are o so fake while keeping it real.
Brendon Fraiser: What is the appeal of this doofus . . . he looks like your typically mentally challenged cousin who only comes out for family reunions. Women find him attractive . . . .? I can understand Brad Pitt, Tom Cruise, but brain dead? *Malach Shakes head*
Creed/3 Doors Down/Nickelback/Bush/ et al: You know, I detested Stone Temple Pilots at one time, as a talented cover band. Trust me, listen to their first few albums and compare them to Alice in Chains, Nirvana, or Pearl Jam (in fact my pet name for STP was Stone Temple Pearl Jam). Now these bands, and that whole emo-hard rock genre is nauseating. They can all sing each other songs, and every song is the same thing. They all do a bad Nirvana impersonation. I can even now stomach STP somewhat.
Limp Biskit: Is this the worst band of the past 30 years? I mean, my three year old could write those songs.
I did it all for the nookie, so you can take that cookie
. . the talent cup overrunneth.
Clay Aiken: Why is this man adored. He tries this sexy crooner routine; who is really buying that. CLAY YOU ARE GAY (And there is nothing wrong with that)! He looks like if Richie Cunnigham, Conan O'Brien, and Howdy Doody, had a kid. And that voice, make him the lead for you local community theater or maybe drag club.
Jorge Posada/Isaiah Thomas: Ever just want to slap someone. I don't even really know why. They are/were good enough ball players, and it is not like Jorge is outspoken. I just see Isiah's smile, or Jorge Dumbo ears and I lose it.
Vin Deisel: So your telling me I can shave my head, take the juice and have the acting skills of a plank and be rich and famous? And his movies do really well. Ever see Fast and the Furious? I mean all at one time. Really? I'm impressed. Out acted by a duck too.
Steven Seagal/Jean Claude Van Damme: More just want to put these two out of their misery, than elimate him. We don't need more straight to video movies. It's only a matter of time before they are pushing excercise equipment on informercials.
Dubya: You know when you hit an animal with you car, and it is not yet dead, but twitching there in pain, and you should put it out of it's misery. . . .
Dick Cheney: The Anti-Christ, eliminating him would just make the world a better place. Do you trust that face . . . No, no, I mean really.
Bill O'Reily/Rush Limbaugh: You know if you are going to the the guy to measure the moral compass of the world . . . well people in glass houses. . . .
Paula Abdul: Her singing makes Britney look like Aretha Franklin. She is about the fakest person I have seen on TV in a while. But she is so nice! Don't you want to knock the teeth out of that smile.
Rupert Murdoch: Anyone who owns that much of the media, with that kind of political agenda has to be stopped.
Joel Schumacher: Mr. Scumacher, what happened, at one time you were a very good director Lost Boys, St. Elmo's Fire . . .then Batman Forever, Batman and Robin. You sir are responsible for setting the Batman franchise back 40 years. DIRTY DIRTY BOY!
Stan Lee: Does than man realize he is over. Fine you created some nice characters. Go retire. No one cares about your opinion anymore. Why are you on my TV. 'Nuff Said!
The National Basketball Association: With ratings way down and barely beating hockey, you need to get away from the thug, homeboy basketball, that Micheal Jordan helped usher in. Iverson, Shaq, and a few others are the worst thing to ever happen to the sport. I hope you get smacked around in the Olympics again. And you idiots that defend the NBA. "Defense is much better" Doofus, you can play zone, zone was illegal up until the late 1990's. "The rest of the world has caught up" Yeah and they know how to play the sport better than the NBA does. You have ostracized white middle class America. Now a lock out should do wonders for your woes.
George Lucas: I have already said enough about him with this blog. I'll let him get back up and dust himself off, before a large asteroid lands on his head. Maybe he won't die, and the asteroid will actually be an escape pod filled with Gungans.
Hollywood: Hey guys, I'd really like to see more remakes of old movies, especially bad ones. And you know, there are still a bunch crappy Oprah books you haven't made into movies. Oh and you have remade enough of those really good movies that shouldn't be remade from the past. Hey, I would love to see an updated version of Citizen Kane starring Ashton Kutcher! Or Taxi Driver starring Jimi Fallon . . . or perhaps Smokey and the Bandit starring Vin Deisel.
Reality TV: Most of it is unwatchable. And real; more formulaic than pop music. The worst show is American Idol. Really think about this. If someone was that talented, why would they need a show like this to be discovered. I think it is funny, that these hacks disappear after their first album.
PETA: I don't think I even have to explain this one.
Christianity: Now I am going to get a lot of flack for this, but generally Christianity is more hypocritcal than the Catholic Church. Most of the Christians I know are the Bible thumping kind, and they all intepret the Bible differently; even from other Christains, and they all think thre particualar version is right. I have even had Christian associates that have told me anyone not of their particualar sect of beliefs is going to the Hell. Think about that, wouldn't you rather go to Hell? If you want to spout, "What Would Jesus Do?", you need to apply it to your own life. By the way, the Bible Code does not exist, Revelations was a book added 300 years after the Bible was finalized by the ultra crooked Council of Trent. And Creationist dogma; man don't get me started on that, that will be another long blog..
Linkin Park/Dave Matthews Band: So overated. SO SO OVERATED. C'mon I know you can say it o - v - e - r - a - t - e - d. Good job, now toss those CD's off a bridge.
Alanis Morrisette: The creator of female angst rock . . . HAHAHAHAHAHA. Hey Alanis, ever hear of PJ Harvey? Ani Difranco? Liz Phair? Why do you pretend they don't exist?
FRIENDS: This show make me want to vomit. I hate the entire cast. I wanted to write the season finally, where they all die gruesome deaths . . . that would be funny.
Ray Romano: Again, what is the appeal. Everyone loves Raymond except for Malach.
Oprah: SHUT UP! Just shut up! And take that Dr. Phil train wreck with you.
Mitt Romney: When that scumbag is the next president you will know why. Dubya; only charming and well spoken. It will take MA 15 years to recover form the mess he has made.
Tito Ortiz: I enjoy watching him lose. For those of you not familar, Mixed Martial Artist, annoying whining attitude. I wanna fight him, even though he'd kick my ass.
NASA: A wonderful example of bureacracy gone wrong. Ever hear of Spaceship One? Your days are numbered, methinks. I will give you some slack though , it is not totally your fault. I mean, your budget is half of what it was in 1985. You are is dire need a major change. Americans though, do love a good disaster, and you have becomes the masters of it.
The UN: This joke of an organization needs to be dissolved. When all you can do it make proclamations and can't stand up to half you member countries (especially the US), there needs to be a major change. UN sanctions . . . try US sanctions.
Modern Hip Hop/Rap: Disco is dead? Nope. Check out most of modern rap. Disco, only with profanity, sex, and gats. Gone are the days of Public Enemy, NWA, Erik B., BDP, De La Soul. The only thing I have found worth listing to nowadays? OutKast, Kayne West, Mr. Lif.
BRATZ and those responsible for them: Look at this:
Turning young girls into sluts real early aren't we? Why is there no out cry against these trashy, trampy, dolls designed for 6 year olds? My god, these little floozies have a ski chalet play set with a hot tub, and boy band looking metrosexual boy toys. You might want to put condoms in the package. Or at least the morning after pill.
Wal-Mart/Microsoft/Time Warner/et al: These companies have more pull and power that some countries. Goddammit, I love Wal-Mart, no I hate them, but I need to buy some deordorant for $0.25. These large "monopolies" need to have more of a social concious and worry less about profits.
Pro Lifers: It is not about killing the unborn, it is about limiting the rights of women. Pro Lifers (and groups like PETA) should be listed as terrorist groups. How does the old joke go: "Son were conservatives, that is the only type of killing we don't condone".
Marvel and DC Comics: Guys the 80's and 90's is over. You know, I have always had this dream of taking one of these companies over, scrapping their entire history and rebuilding them form scratch.
The FCC: Any organization with that much power, under the direct influence of the presidential administration needs to be dismantled. Did you know there is no legal way to fight a FCC fine? Howard Stern did an experiment. On an Oprah show, they used the word "vagina". Oprah was not fined fro the show. Stern contended he would be fined for doping that exact type of show, so he replayed the Oprah's show that contained that word, and lo and behold Stern was fined for it. It is too subjective, and based upon the whims at the time of it's leader, and the influence of the government. Be on the air and be anti-Bush? Watch out for indecency fines.
Religion in general: If religion was eliminated from the world, 90% of the wars we have fought would have never occured. You guys need to follow the teachings, and not have religions and religious leaders intrepret them for you. This leads to Jihad, child molesting preists, and things like the Inquisitions and Crusades.
The Democratic Party: No identity. Idiots pick a stance. This party is not long for the world if it does not get some good leadership soon. Don't pander to the whole world, find your indentity and stick to it and DONT BE ASHAMED OF IT!
Modern Country Music: See entry about above Hip Hop. Gone are the Johnny Cashes, Willie Nelsons (in fact these guys couldn't get signed by country labels), and enter Shania Twain and Tim McGraw. Pop music with a banjo. I FEEL LIKE A WOMAN!!! WTF IS THAT?!
Deadheads, Phishhead, Parrotheads, etc: Now really, you guys are as bad as those that dress up and have lightsaber fights in the parking lot of the local theater during the premiere of Lucas's latest Star Wars fiasco. Honestly, this stuff ain't really that good, the drugs make it better, but the 60's ended 40 years ago.
US Public Schools: Good luck 2005 graduates!!!
There is something for the buckos to mull over, please leave me your list in comments, we can compare. I am sure I left some out, may there will be a part II or a revision.
I'm Malach and your not!
36 comments:
You have inspired me to make a hate topic against PETA, yet it will take time.
Time . . . That should be on the to elinate list.
Hello Allison, I am glad you enjoy my madness, if you like this check out the main site, www.rubbersuitstudios.com, and especially check the webcomics
Funny stuff and true for most of it.
My daughter is 2, she calls Bratz Barbie. I cannot not wait for the later years.
i agree with most of what you said. gwb sucks! so does country music! and pro life. yea thats it
Thats all? So you like Bratz?
People agree with you Malach! You don't have stuck up ass holes yet!
Slowy but surely, I will convert the masses!
Thanks for hitting the right wing to come tumbling down....or something.... into my blog. LOL!
And I seriously doubt that most people would disagree with you on your list. I try to hide anything about the Bratz from my daughter. ICK those little bitches!
Allow me to disagree with a few. Most of you know, I hate Malach forever and so I must not allow him to post this drivel freely.
First off, I will compliment you on a wonderful tirade of Murkian proportions. (see more at my blog, no seriously, you'll freaking hate it, left wing blood suckers!)
BUT, labeling Pro Lifers terrorists? So, because a few nutbags bomb some clinics, I'm not entitled to believe abortion is wrong? Oh. Okay. What about Islam? They have some wackos who bomb stuff too. Should we eliminate them?
If Dick Cheyney is the anti-christ, Satan is really slacking. Your leftists penchant for hyperbole knows no bounds. Why not eliminate capitalism while you're at it, commie!
Britney Spears/Jessica Simpson/Christina Aguilera or Tiffany/Debbie Gibson/Smantha Fox? How soon you forget. Pop is never going to improve or go away. Put your pretentious indie rock on your iPod, you gen ex freaknut and shut up.
The NBA will never die either. NBA merchandising sells to urban males and suburban wanabees.
And WHERE is the rant on Eminem and 50 cent, slacker!
Luv Ya Blue,
Murk
Eminem and Fity cent are included in the whole Hip Hop Fiasco.
Are you female? Perhaps it is like Sex in the City. My wife loves the show, as well as Friends, and I find them to be a waste of my life.
Malach, although I love you in that platonic, non-gay(not that there's anything wrong with being gay) way men love other men, I too must take a page from Murk's book and disagree with some of the particulars, particularly comic particulars:
Stan Lee: This frosts my nuts because I know you KNOW what this guy has done. The comic book as we know it would not exist without Stan Lee (and yeah, Jack Kirby and Steve Ditko and Neal Adams and Frank Miller too, but we're talking about Stan Lee here). I think it's fucking appalling that he had to sue for some extra cash from the gajillions Marvel is raking in at the box office.
Now, I know you can tell me that Stan Lee is already worth an assload of bucks, but when you consider the money Marvel has made from his creations since 2000 alone, he should be compensated a lot more, and I'm talking more than the cool and somewhat entertaining cameo appearances he gets to make in the films. It would save him from doing dumbass projects like Stripperella.
With the exception of the Punisher movie (that sucked out loud, so I'm told), all Marvel's recent films have been about characters created at least in part by Stan Lee: both X-Men films, The Hulk, Daredevil, the upcoming Fantastic Four movie, and Marvel's cash cow: the Spider-Man films. I think he deserves a little cheddar runoff from these, don't you?
If you want to be annoyed with someone, try being annoyed with Marvel over how they assraped Jack Kirby out of his original artwork in the last few months of his life. Talk about ungrateful sonsofbitches.
Marvel/DC Comics: You're right. The 80's, and more importantly the 90's, are over. Now at last there's some damn fine comics out there again, although nothing can ever really bring back the "innocence" of the four-color comics of our youth. Nor can we go backwards to more affordable comics...the average book is $3.00 nowadays and I started collecting when they were 60 cents apiece. Now I'm fairly selective about what I'll pay for: I like Astonishing X-Men (which is well-written by Joss Whedon and dispenses with a lot of the incomprehensible Claremont plot(?)lines we're familiar with, Amazing Spider-Man(written by J. Michael Strazcinski), Ultimate Fantastic Four, Wolverine (which, I confess, I buy mostly for the John Romita Jr. artwork), Avengers (cuz it's the best superhero team book out now). Dark Horse's Conan is GREAT, and so is The Punisher (by Garth Ennis the way The Punisher should be done). I don't currently collect any DC books, which sucks, as I love the characters, but the sad fact is none of them are worth picking up anymore. I used to get JLA but then they did a story arc by John Byrne and Chris Claremont, and it wasn't exactly a return to greatness.
I agree with almost everything else you said. Especially the Bratz dolls. They're great role models for your kids if you want kids who dress slutty and like ambiguously gay boys.
Stan Lee. I just find him annoying, sticking his mug anywhere and everywhere. I have no problem with him cashing in, and yes he deserves to cash in, but why do I have to see him on the freakin' history channel talking about the movie industry. He's insane.
I do not also deny that there are some good comics out there, but the price is outrageuos, and the comic companies need to move into the future. It also pisses me off that the seem to have much less car for continuity, and change characters at whim that they did 50 years ago.
HA! Bredon Fraiser, related to Corky?
Man all you anonymous persons give me a clue to your ID.
Brilliant. I have not the words. Okay, maybe a few - I am certain that decades from now, learned scholars will be writing lengthy essays on Early Millenium Popular Culture and using your list as a primary resource.
kyknoord, usure if that us sarcasm, but it gave me a good laugh.
u have an opinion on everything!!! i agree w/ you, but i think that u definalty should write ur opinion on Dr. Phil and Celine Dion. We HATE them.
~Richie
Nixon . . . He is already dead . . . Celine, now theres a good one. I will take up your request, on my next blog Bucko
Awesome blog ^_^
Oh, and I agree with Richard Nixon *nods*
OK . . Nixon it is . .
I'd like to ad that the numbskulls at the [adult swim] forums think that I am "just jealous". They also think I am 13 years old.
What exactly would you be "just jealous" of? I mean, Brenden Frasier has a nice ass and all...and the Bratz look better in make-up than you but really?? Come one now!
And they should know you're 15...not 13.
(Hehehehhehe! Couldn't resist...it was open.)
Man my wife won't be happy knowing I lied to her about my age.
Your are right on money with that frigg.
For the record, Your Green Holiness, I wasn't being sarcastic (well okay, maybe I was taking a dig at learned scholars). I think your blog is brilliant.
Thnaks again.
Hey....don't forget to eliminate that band from years ago Seven Mary Three. Remember them? I think they changed their name to Creed and then when that didn't work, they changed it to Nickleback. At least that's the way that the music sounded to me. Hah!
You see my point young padawan.
You made some good points there. I did a search on the topic and found most people will agree with your blog.
rH3uYcBX
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